Detoxing from social media to grow closer to God…
God in his grace and mercy gifted me this song to remind me that I am a runaway.. a lost soul… yet He embraced me and meet me where I was struggling in the most real and authentic way.. Yet the God we serve truly open my eyes to how I needed to surrender to His will and not my worldview will.
Yes.. I am a runaway over and over again because I have felt this yearning to belong or be accepted in America. At the age of 10, my father gifted us with the determination of bringing our family to the melting pot.. the U.S.A. a land of freedom. I didn’t know then what I knew now that God was ever present through and through in His glorious ways as I was searching to find my purpose in America.
How will I ever give the gift of gratitude back to my father for his dedication and commitment to our family. I just want him to be proud of the person that he brought to America. I wanted to give back to the people that showed up for our family. I wanted to give back to the teachers that spent tireless hours of teaching me the alphabets and helping me catch up to the rat race of being a somebody that is a difference maker here in this world. How will give back to the people that invested in the time of teaching me about a God that love unconditionally. How will I ever fully show them my utmost gratitude. Through the searching and the living… I fell into the comparison trap of the world views of what success looks like for a foreigner… (I am the foreigner)…
I was reminded that I was different.. I was told through people’s silence…I was looked at and treated with the belief that I am below everyone because this country is not a native country. Even though I may have taken the steps to become a US citizen…. the piece of paper.. the ceremony doesn’t mean that I am a born citizen. You have to be a born citizen in America, Maria, to be a true citizen. Yes, the country is a melting pot but you still have to work hard to earn your place in this melting pot country.
I was chasing a prize of acceptance… I was chasing the dream of what it feels like to be accepted by the world… through the attempt of running the rat race to find acceptance in this country.. I fell to the ground in battling anxiety and on a hard journey of the path of difficult road called life… When I fell to my knees and told God that I couldn’t do this race called a performance living in this world… I surrender… I surrender to know Him more.. I prayed for God’s redemption of my heart. It began a road of dark dark dark roads ahead to come to the discovery of my purpose in why I am meant to live in this country…
Y’all through the pain of grief in the passing of my mother in law, the battle of losing jobs because of my color and my inability to speak eloquent english at a University job, and watching my precious dog “Walt Indy” leaving earth unexpectedly did I discover God’s faithfulness. I am a runaway from the world to find a true peace in God.
Detoxing from Social Media was the first step of the healing journey.. truly it was cutting off cold turkey to establishing the habits of strengthening my relationships with God. It didn’t mean that life ahead with God was rainbows and gumdrops… it meant that I had to be intentional and dedicated to hearing God speak audibly to my heart.
A beautiful redemptive story of God’s love, grace, and mercy to continue in this lost soul. The persistent of God’s endless love and care is written all over in this runaway. Come and let me tell you more. ❤ ❤ ❤
